Mommy, Pay Attention To Me

The amount of “free space” in my “apartment” is comparable to a prison cell. Not that I’ve had much experience with them, just a holding cell for a few hours, but you get the point.

Now let’s paint the picture. My goal in this very moment is to complete this blog post- cheers to me for even having started at all.

As much as I wish I was fully in my zone and focused, the truth is I’m far from it.

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Paw Patrol is blasting on the television and I’m just grateful that it’s not a YouTube video of someone with a loud pitchy voice playing Minecraft. Paw Patrol I can mostly tune out.

Nylah is rotating between trying to touch the computer as pictured above, shuffling around in circles in different pairs of my shoes, and leaving crumbs from the pretzels she is snacking on just about everywhere.

It’s Tuesday so school let out early for whatever the fuck reason LAUSD decided that is what Tuesdays should be about. This means I only had enough time this morning to run to a few stores, straighten up a bit, and get the deep conditioner in my hair before needing to pick her up for the day. I still haven’t rinsed the conditioner out.

Don’t get me wrong, Nylah is well behaved, I know this. She’s simply being five in a studio apartment where no other children are to be found. All she has is a mama who sometimes finds herself more checked into describing her life than actually living it.

I’m not sure if it was my mother or a book that I took this from, but when you feel like your child is annoying you, it usually means they need or want you to pay attention to them.

A fair, true statement…but like, I got shit to do.

Where the lines get blurred with the shit I have to do is somewhere in between when I’m producing content and when I’m consuming it. To further complicate the narrative of a content creator- sometimes consuming content is necessary for production. So when are you consuming mindlessly versus intentionally?

You see, I’m kind of really doing this internet thang. This mom blogger thing. This content creator thing.

On YouTube. On FaceBook. On Instagram. I’m trying on Twitter and Pinterest but nobody cares about me there ya’ll.

It gets even more complex than that because all of these platforms have breakdowns.

The main feeds. The stories. The comments. The DM’s.

The promotion of the feed posts to the stories.

The shout-outs on Facebook to go check out the new YouTube upload.

Trying to get people to swipe up on Instagram to join you on a mailing list so you can let them know when there’s a new blog post all about how complicated this shit really is.

I need balance and I need boundaries with this more than ever. Sometimes I don’t know if I’m checking my phone for business, pleasure, or just flat out habit and addiction. It has got to stop.

My daughter deserves my undivided attention for significant periods of time and I know that it’s possible, I just have to get a few things together.

I’ll be using the rest of my week to get things automated and plan ahead so I can start using my time more efficiently.

The reality is that I over-do it on the social media/technology consumption. For a while now it’s been getting more of my attention than my precious, really annoying, crumb trailing baby-girl.

I know everyone isn’t a blogger or content creator, but do you ever feel like you just don’t have enough time? So much so that the time you do have with your children is often spent doing something that potentially is unnecessary?

If so, let me know how you plan on changing that sis!

I believe in you! I believe in us!

Catch ya later!

xoxo

-Jess




Jessica Schrody3 Comments