"I Want Daddy"
I have my daughter ninety-five percent of the time.
I’m the one that wakes her up in the morning, gets her ready for her day, drops her off, picks her up and tucks her in every single night.
I get a break on Fridays when grandma swoops in, followed by Saturday night being her one night a week with her father.
So many parts of me are overjoyed by the fact that my daughter and her father have a bond. Nylah really does enjoy the time she spends with her dad and loves him, as he does her.
However, I can’t deny the fact that I feel like the villain with my role as a parent being the serious, strict and regular routine enforcer. It is not video games, late nights, and cereal for dinner with mommy. Daddy is fun, mommy is not.
Outside of the fact that who her father is as a person allows him to tap into a more playful and patient person than me for the most part, the truth is that I handle the majority of the responsibility when it comes to the daily necessities of a functioning day and night with her.
Maybe this is what Nylah needs. My two days are a break from having to teach a human how to human and her two days are a break from being raised.
Last week though, Nylah on at least more than 10 occasions made it a point to let me know in the midst of doing something like homework, getting her hair done, or being told no that she wanted to go with her dad.
It wasn’t until I was driving her to school one morning and it was the first thing she said to me for the day followed by her saying she also would prefer her grandma , that I lost it.
I was in tears the rest of the ride and let her know how much it hurt my feelings that every single day she felt like it was necessary to tell me how much she did not want to be with me.
I could tell she was unsettled by my crying and I know she does not intend to hurt me, she’s only five years old.
Let’s be clear though. They are funner, but they really wouldn’t be if the roles were reversed. I too could be filled with playful energy and a disregard for routine if my motherhood was a 24 hour shift.
In the long run I am sure that Nylah will grow up to see me as her provider with an appreciation like no other, but it doesn’t stop it from really hurting my feelings now that she even has the occasional thought of preferring someone else over me.
If you’re a mom co-parenting or a mom who’s parents are involved in the rearing of your child I would love to hear from you in the comments about your experiences.
Until next week…