What I'm Claiming In 2019
What a fucking year.
I’m sitting here in the bed of my now homely feeling box, surprisingly unbothered by Nylah's new toys not fitting into her basket and being spread out across the rug.
I really like it here, I do. There are days that I wish I had a bathtub and a room for Nylah and her things separate from mine, but I’m actually pretty comfortable with how much it just works. Even when things weren’t going as smoothly financially as they could have been I was still able to figure it out.
Plus, it is mine. Not a room for rent. Not a toxic environment with unhealthy living circumstances. Not someone's couch, or living room. My box. My overpriced Los Angeles bachelor apartment.
Well, ours. She needs to pay some rent, the check from her daddy isn’t cutting it! Ha!
Anywho, I just wanted to take a few moments to write out a few things I am claiming for myself in the new year.
In sum, I’m claiming an entire life level up. In 2019 I am making better choices for myself in regard to everything.
I need to hustle. I need to let go of excuses. I need to want better because I want better.
In 2019 I am claiming my health:
I will be practicing self-control and discipline when it comes to the things that I put into my body. I struggle pretty heavily with binging and plan to begin working with a therapist to dig deeper into that, but I know I have the ability to keep it under control when I am focused. Not just food though, alcohol as well.
Now I would be a damn liar if I told you all that I will be leaving alcohol in 2019- I mean, I just dropped wine glasses. What I can confidently tell you is that I will leave being DRUNK in 2019. I need to start doing everything in my life in moderation. I refuse to continue into 2019 drowning my problems and often times making them 10x worse being pissy drunk making irrational decisions.
Often times this year when I found myself overly drunk it had a lot to do with originally feeling insecure and uncomfortable socializing with people while sober and then not knowing how or when to stop.
I always feel sick. I always feel embarrassed. My anxiety is always intensified for days afterward, and I’m ready to leave all of that behind.
I'm dealing with my shit head on this year- but sorry, not sorry, I can’t completely throw out my wine. Mama needs it to mom, period.
In 2019 I am claiming confidence:
I’m sure that as my health improves and I feel better about myself I will naturally feel more confident about myself. I'm claiming more than just that though.
I am claiming confidence in my ideas, my processes, and my executions. I have an amazing and supportive group of close friends that I love dearly. Currently, every time I come up with an idea about anything I feel the need to run it by everyone to see what they think.
The problem with this is that the second that they don’t seem as excited about the idea, or suggest something else…I usually get flustered. It comes from this huge feeling of needing my ideas to be validated and feeling inadequate if they do not do so in the way that I am anticipating.
The solution? Trusting myself more. Feedback is nice and necessary for growth but I also plan on owning the fact that I have made it this far doing things based off of my gut instinct and have had successes doing so.
In 2019, I am going to start believing that I am an intelligent, creative and capable woman. This way, I do not need to constantly be told or reaffirmed of that by my peers.
In 2019 I am claiming a bigger living space:
I am content with my living situation. I just foresee this year being the year that I start generating enough revenue to comfortably be able to level up. I would love a situation where Nylah has her own room, but I will gladly step it up to a one-bedroom in the right neighborhood. Anything with a full sized kitchen and a bathtub is also fine by me.
This was the first complete year of me and my baby being able to maintain our own living situation with only one or two months of pure panic on how the rent would get paid. It was late, but I got it done.
I just want to make sure that wherever I am at I can comfortably maintain it and not exhaust my income trying to stay there.
In 2019 I am claiming consistency:
Everything I do this year, I intend to stick with it and work at it vehemently
I am tired of "falling off" being more regular for me than staying on. It takes work to stay on track and I plan to commit to that work this year.
I know I can do it. I know I can better myself. I can find the time!
I can’t expect anyone else in the world to be consistent with me if I am not being consistent with myself.
IN 2019 I AM CLAIMING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS:
Whew child, let’s go ahead and press the reset button on my vagina this year.
There was plenty of useless penis thrown this way and you would have thought last years resolution was to catch it all the way I did.
This year I am exhausted. I know that healthy partnerships come from bettering yourself, I'm working on it. In the meantime I know I can do a hell of a lot better at identifying situations that are unhealthy.
In 2019 I’m taking my time getting to know people. In 2019, I’m not backtracking into old relationships just because it's easy. I deserve respect, good conversation, to be admired, sexual satisfaction, and commitment.
Outside of male counterparts, my friendships are very important to me this year as well. I do not need to be coddled, but I need to feel valued as a friend.
I refuse to go into this year with drama, negativity or chaos. If I feel that situations are more likely to involve those things when they involve you, then you are just not a friend of mine anymore. There is no beef or hard feelings, I just need to feel safe and supported by those around me this year.
I'm done over pouring. I over-supported, I over-loved, I over-extendeded myself for people in 2018. Never again.
comment below what you’re claiming for you this year…
I hope that you all had a very safe and loving new years.
Nylah and I spent ours inside of the house vision boarding. Now it is time to get up and get ready for the rest of our year. My hope is that you are all pouring into yourselves, setting the bar high for everyone around you and you're finding comfort in the ups and downs of life.
I think my biggest realization of 2018 is that life is not about finding happiness….life is about learning to find content in the reality that sometimes things are good, sometimes things are great, and sometimes things are trash.
Finally, thank you so much for all of your love and support this year. My goal is to be much more consistent with content, especially blog posts. I look forward to interacting with each and every one of you throughout the year.
Happy New Year!