Checking In W/Myself

I don't have anything in particular to talk about this week, I really wanted to just check in I guess. I feel like I'm dealing with a lot of back and forth emotions about a variance of things, and the past few weeks I've been feeling really weighed down by my emotions. I'm not happy right now, there are many things that I feel are out of my reach. 

Anytime I make progress with something, some life event seems to reset it. I have habits that I definitely could grab ahold of to ease the weight of the things I'm dealing with, but it always feels like life comes down to money. Money that I just don't fucking have. There isn't enough money to fix the things that I want to be fixed. Not enough money for me to have control over areas in my life that would bring me more peace. The absence of money is an over-whelming stress that I can sometimes physically feel in my neck, and it hurts like hell.

The stress of that can pull me into a downwards spiral of emptiness that leaves me feeling very lethargic and depressed. It's been a little heavier than usual the past two weeks and I'm sure being sick didn't help at all. 

Just hoping this all passes soon. All I want is some stability, control, and peace. I'm going back to school in August, but I don't even know if that's the real answer. 

I just wish I was adult-ing a little bit better than I am right now.

Just going to keep pushing though here, it's not like I have much of a choice.